I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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