Too much gin, very little bucket
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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