I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
