Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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