Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
