Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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