I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
