me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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