i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
