Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
