For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
