Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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