i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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