She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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