haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
