i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
