Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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