i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize