My first STD was from a foam party
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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