In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I cockslap morals
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
