He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
