wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
