her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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