is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
