Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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