I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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