I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
