guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
