i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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