apparently the secret to your success is patron
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I lost the right to judge tonight
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
