I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
