pedialite and red bull = repair kit
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize