Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
