New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
