i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize