If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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