Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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