Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You're like the curious george of whores
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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