why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
