I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
