boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
