I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
