and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize