I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
