He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
