Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
