You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
