puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
