So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
