Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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