maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
