is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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