and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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