Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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