Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i wish my penis had a tongue
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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