Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
