Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think your dad took our porno
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
