I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
