Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
