There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
