Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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