I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
