Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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