I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
